The Return of Joren
by Death Goddess Assassin
Summary: After Numair sent Kel into the Black God's Realms, she meets up with an old foe: Joren. To her dismay, he could be the only way to escape the dead and back into the living...PG-13 for language ON HOLD--WRITER'S BLOCK
1. Let There Be Light!

Hi everybody! This is my second fanfic, and I can promise you it'll be better than my first one! So read it and tell me what you think!  
  
Chapter One: Let There Be Light!  
  
"Um. How's this sound-"  
  
"It's terrible. Now go away."  
  
"Kel, you didn't even listen to it!"  
  
"Neal, it's going to be like all your poems: terrible. Now shut up and let me do this."  
  
"Yeah, Neal. Let her do this. What is it you're doing?"  
  
"Faleron, shut up!"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Faleron doesn't have to listen to you."  
  
"Yeah. I don't have to listen to you."  
  
"Owen?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Jolly."  
  
"Will you shut up about this jolly shit?!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Guys, shut up! I'm trying to look at these accounts."  
  
"Kel, you work too hard."  
  
"I do not."  
  
"You do too."  
  
"I do not! Hey! Who blew out the candle?"  
  
"Sorry, Kel."  
  
"Owen."  
  
"Do too."  
  
"Do-Neal?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Did you just eat the document the accounts were written on?"  
  
"Um. Yeah. I think so."  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"Can't. That's Yuki's job."  
  
"You're disgusting."  
  
"No I'm not. I'm just turned on."  
  
"That was too much for me."  
  
"Sorry, Seaver."  
  
"You should be."  
  
"Did Neal just say he was turned on?"  
  
"Yes, Dom. He did."  
  
"Lovely. I've always wanted to know when my Meatheaded cousin was turned on."  
  
"Neal just ate the accounts."  
  
"Ew. What are you, a goat?"  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Cleon, shut up."  
  
"Don't tell me what to do, Meathead."  
  
"Cleon, shut up."  
  
"Okay, Kel."  
  
"Now wait a minute-"  
  
"Kel is intimidating. I take orders from her. She's very scary now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you just ate the damn accounts!"  
  
"Do you want me to spit them back up for you?"  
  
"Ew."  
  
"Gods, no. Kel, don't make him do it."  
  
"Yes. Spit them up."  
  
There was a moment's silence.  
  
"I can't believe he just spit them up."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"Who keeps saying 'Ew'?"  
  
"Dom, I think."  
  
"Yeah. Who turned out the lights?"  
  
"Owen."  
  
"I said I was sorry. Sheesh, Kel, let it go."  
  
"Owen, I have Neal saliva all over me. This is not a good day for me."  
  
"Night."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Good night."  
  
"You're going to sleep so soon?"  
  
"Kel, it's midnight."  
  
"It is? Then what are you all doing here?"  
  
"Checking on you."  
  
"Get out."  
  
"You'll have to find us first."  
  
"Well first I need to know who all is in here."  
  
"Seaver, Faleron, Cleon, Owen, Dom, you, and me. Did I miss anyone?"  
  
"Yeah. Me."  
  
"Who's 'me'?"  
  
"Hi, Alanna.  
  
"Hi, Kel."  
  
"And me."  
  
"What's up, Wyldon?"  
  
"Very funny, Lioness."  
  
"Wyldon is in my room? How-nice."  
  
"Just say it, Kel. It's horrible having an old man in your rooms, without light. It's very horrible when that man turns out to be your old training master and the very person you hate."  
  
"Queenscove, shut up."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Chicken."  
  
"We need more light."  
  
"You don't say?"  
  
"Whoa, where'd the light go?"  
  
"Roald? Is that you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where'd you come from?"  
  
"I was in the privy."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"I had to go to the bathroom! My gods, Dom, it's not like you haven't done it before."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do you have to tell us about it, though?"  
  
"Well, Seaver asked me where I came from!"  
  
"Seaver!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"  
  
"Kel! You yelled right in my ear!"  
  
"Well, excuse me, but I wouldn't have if you weren't in my ROOM!"  
  
"Kel?"  
  
"What."  
  
"Let it go."  
  
"Okay. Seaver, Cleon, Faleron, Neal, Roald, Dom, Owen, Alanna, and Wyldon are in my room. Anyone else?"  
  
"Why is it so dark in here?"  
  
"Raoul? Is that you?"  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Alanna? Are you in here?"  
  
"She's here."  
  
"Wyldon? Why are you in my former squire's room?"  
  
"To be honest with you, I don't know. I just heard a bunch of ruckus and I had to see what it was about."  
  
"Nosy."  
  
"May I remind you, Jesslaw, you are still my squire."  
  
"Oops."  
  
"Seriously. We need some light."  
  
"Ow! That was my foot! Why is it so dark?"  
  
"Merric?"  
  
"Seaver, why are you in my rooms?"  
  
"I'm not. I'm in Kel's."  
  
"Oops. Wrong room, then."  
  
"Merric is in here now. Great."  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Esmond?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Oh, glory."  
  
"Why does everyone seem to like my rooms so much?"  
  
"We just love you so much."  
  
"Speak for yourself."  
  
"Shut up, Wyldon."  
  
"Hollyrose, did you just tell me to shut up?"  
  
"Uh, no, that was Neal."  
  
"No it wasn't!"  
  
"Was too!"  
  
"Was-"  
  
"Leave my rooms immediately."  
  
"Kel, why are you so touchy?"  
  
"Hmm. Let's think. I'm in the dark with a bunch of men, at least three of them virgins, the other married men who haven't fucked in over two weeks."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. And I'm stuck with Alanna."  
  
"Thanks, Kel."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"I'm not a virgin, but I'm not married either."  
  
"Thanks, Dom."  
  
"Same for me!"  
  
"And you too, Faleron."  
  
"Ahem."  
  
"And you, Raoul."  
  
"Okay. You seriously have to leave."  
  
"Can I stay?"  
  
"I can't find the door!"  
  
"That's not the door, Alanna."  
  
"Then what is it? You know what? I don't want to know."  
  
"You turn me on."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"Alanna, that isn't the door either. That's my-"  
  
"Shut up, Raoul."  
  
"I'll find the doorknob."  
  
"Whoa! Kel, that certainly ain't the doorknob."  
  
"I like it all the same."  
  
"Kel? Were you just flirting with me?"  
  
"Why, I believe I was. Now get out."  
  
"Hey! I found it!"  
  
"OW!"  
  
"Uh, sorry, Hollyrose. I didn't mean to pull that."  
  
"Why don't you guys just sleep here?"  
  
"Good idea. I got the bed."  
  
"Like hell you do. It's my bed."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I'm unmarried; I'll sleep with Kel."  
  
"Nice try, Dom."  
  
"Damn."  
  
There was a sound of muffled yelps, footsteps, a clatter for people to find a comfortable sleeping space, and then all was silent but for the breathing of the people inhabiting the room.  
  
"Night."  
  
"Night."  
  
"Good night."  
  
"Night all."  
  
"Sleep tight."  
  
"Sweet dreams."  
  
"Nighty-night."  
  
"Good night."  
  
"Night."  
  
"Don't let the bed bugs bite."  
  
"Shut up and go to bed."  
  
"Boy, someone's bitchy tonight."  
  
"That sounded an awful lot like Quinden."  
  
"It was."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"Whatever. But I needed a place to sleep and everyone else was in here so, well, here I am."  
  
"Let's just sleep."  
  
"Good idea. Night."  
  
"Aw, now let's not start that again!" 


	2. Damn You, Numair!

Chapter Two: Damn You, Numair!  
  
Waking up to a man's arm flung across her chest and another's leg across hers was not exactly what Keladry of Mindelan expected when she opened her eyes to start another difficult day at Corus. In fact, it was downright discouraging. The one good thing about it was that the arm belonged to Domitan of Masbolle, and the leg belonged to Faleron of King's Reach, two of the handsomest bachelors in Tortall. At least, if word gets out that she spent the night with a whole shit-load of men, she could brag that two of them were the infamous Dom and Faleron.  
  
"Wonderful," Kel muttered after struggling for a moment and realizing she was pinned down not only by Dom's arm and Faleron's leg, but also by Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau's entire weight on her feet.  
  
"Did you say something?" Quinden of Marti's Hill mumbled, his voice muffled because of the pillow.  
  
"No," Wyldon of Cavall said.  
  
"I wasn't talking to you, limp-nuts," Quinden barked.  
  
"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"No, you said something!"  
  
"I did not. Keladry did."  
  
"Kel didn't say nothing," Owen of Jesslaw murmured sleepily. "It was you."  
  
"At least we have light," Alanna said.  
  
"True."  
  
"Dom, your breath stinks."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"No you're not."  
  
"You're right, I'm not."  
  
"Weenie."  
  
"Did you just call me a weenie?!"  
  
"Why, as a matter of fact, I did."  
  
Nealan of Queenscove stirred in the plushy chair he shared with a bleary- eyed Merric of Hollyrose and mumbled something about a banana.  
  
Kel kneed Faleron's leg off her, kicked Alanna, and pinched Dom's arm to sit up and survey the room. On the floor beside her Prince Roald of Conte was curled fast asleep in a tight ball. Wyldon was sprawled on the floor in front of the chair Neal and Merric occupied. By the look on his face she figured he must realize the risk of having one, or both, of them fall on him, but he was too comfortable to move. Owen was half-awake on the table. Quinden was facedown in a pillow on the sofa. Esmond of Nicoline had his head under the bed, with his feet sticking out. Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak had made himself a messy nest of blankets at the foot of the bed to sleep in. Drool ran down his face.  
  
I'm sure Buri is excited about their upcoming marriage, Kel thought wryly.  
  
Seaver of Tasride let out a child's snore and rolled over. He was squished in a shelf that was not yet full of books. Cleon of Kennan was napping peacefully with his head in the wastebasket and his feet propped up on Roald's head.  
  
"WAKE UP!" Kel screamed.  
  
Neal yelped and bolted up, knocking Merric off him and on Wyldon in the process. Owen gasped and rolled off the table, on the wastebasket Cleon's head was in and flattening it. Cleon jerked his legs, kicking poor Roald, trying frantically to free himself from the basket stuck on his head. Esmond sat up and squealed when his head hit the bed. Dom rolled off onto Esmond's legs, Faleron rolled off onto Roald, and Alanna rolled off onto Raoul. Seaver wailed because he was stuck in the shelf. The only ones escaping the havoc were Quinden and Kel, who had joined him on the couch as soon as Neal made a noise.  
  
"Oops," she said.  
  
"Personally, I think it's all very funny," he replied.  
  
"You would."  
  
"Do you want to go to the mess hall and eat?"  
  
"And leave these confused people all by themselves to try to figure out where the hell the door is? Sure."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was almost noon when the boys and Alanna stumbled through the door of the mess hall. Their clothes were a bit disheveled but hey, at least they were there.  
  
Neal plopped himself down next to Kel, his emerald eyes glaring remorsefully at her. A squished-looking Seaver sat down next to her, and Merric jostled her as he went by to sit down next to Roald, who was nursing a black eye while sitting next to Neal. She caught Quinden's eye and they both looked away before they burst into laughter.  
  
"Numair, sweetie, you need to stop."  
  
Veralidaine Salmalin, known as the Wildmage or just plain Daine, walked in. Her stomach was slightly swollen from the pregnancy. Numair trailed behind, his large brown eyes tired and red-rimmed from lack of sleep, his bouncy black hair limp and slightly greasy from lack of bathing. Daine was a stark contrast to him, as her curly brown hair was glossy and her blue-gray eyes, though grave, were clear and alert.  
  
"But Daine, I want to know how Thom did it . . ."  
  
"How Thom did what?" Alanna said, her ears perking at the sound of her oldest son and child's name.  
  
"Your brother," Numair said.  
  
Alanna was silent for a moment, her famous violet eyes unreadable. "What is it you want to know?"  
  
"How he brought Roger back."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I would like to try it," he said simply.  
  
At the exact same time King Jonathan of Conte and Alanna the Lioness shouted, "No!"  
  
"Look what happened when my brother brought back Duke Roger back!" she yelled.  
  
"Who do you want to bring back?" Jonathan said, his sapphire eyes glittering dangerously.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You don't KNOW? Do you know how DANGEROUS that is? You could bring back somebody really dangerous."  
  
"I understand that, but I want to know how he did it!"  
  
"Did what?" Kel whispered to Neal.  
  
"Alanna's twin brother, Thom, did this experiment and brought Duke Roger of Conte, the king's cousin, back to life. If not for Alanna, I doubt Tortall would be around today."  
  
"Did Thom know the risk?"  
  
"I don't know. Probably."  
  
Kel watched as Numair pulled out a little vial. He sat down at an empty table, pulling out more vials until the tabletop was covered with them. Then he began to pour measured amounts into each of them, his black magic mixing with them.  
  
"He'll do that all day, but Thom is the true genius," Alanna muttered. She flicked a red curl over her shoulder haughtily. Kel could see, despite the fact that she thought what her brother did was wrong, she loved him and was proud of him for doing something no other had done or ever will do.  
  
"You'll see who the genius is, Lioness," Numair snapped. Exhaustion had his nerves frazzled and on edge.  
  
"Hush, Numair," Daine said sternly.  
  
Reluctantly, he turned his attention back to the vials, muttering to himself.  
  
"Crazy old bat," Merric said under his breath. "I don't know what a beauty like Daine sees in him."  
  
"Why, Merric, are we jealous?" Kel teased. He blushed a color to rival his own hair.  
  
"No," he said defensively. "I just think she would be with someone . . . younger, like, uh, never mind."  
  
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you have a bad case of puppy love," Neal said. "For an older woman."  
  
"She's not that old," Merric snapped, annoyed.  
  
"Hell, Merric, she's six years older. That's almost like Kel and I getting married."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" Kel asked, frowning.  
  
Neal looked at her, surprised. "Nothing! I'm just saying that-well, actually, I don't know what I'm saying."  
  
"What's twisted your loincloth?" Seaver said.  
  
She glared at him. "People who wouldn't get out of my room last night!"  
  
"Aw, now Kel, let's not start THIS again."  
  
"Yeah, get over it."  
  
"You're all bitches."  
  
"Thanks. I'm touched."  
  
"Fuck you, Faleron."  
  
"I'd be delighted."  
  
Kel was disgusted. "Real nice, boys."  
  
"I am not a boy, I am a man, I'll have you know," Neal said haughtily.  
  
"You know what? I think I hate you right now. I really do."  
  
"Well, guess what, Mindelan," Cleon snapped. "We hate you too."  
  
"Kennan, go to-"  
  
"KELADRY, WATCH OUT!"  
  
Kel barely had time to register horror-struck faces and a ball of liquid black fire before the ball consumed her and it and she disappeared.  
  
~*~  
  
I hope you liked this chapter. I had actually finished it a couple days ago, but due to events such as my fiancée dumping me for a sexy blond with a lot of money and my book Rose Without Thorns being rejected suddenly, I didn't get a chance to do anything. Review please, and don't criticize me too bad . . . I don't think I could take it right now . 


	3. The Black God's Realms

Finally! We get to the part about that hot sexy blond we all love to love! Go Joren, go Joren, go, go, go Joren!  
  
* = italics  
  
~Chapter Three: The Black God's Realms~  
  
As far as the eye could see the terrain was rocky and gray. The sky was dark, lit by some stars and a dim moon. It was cold and very windy, and Kel shivered. After careful searching she had found shelter from the wind, a large cave that, though damp, also provided a retreat from the cold.  
  
For the life of her she could not figure out where she was. She had never heard of a place such as this, and cursed that Numair for whatever he did. All she wanted was to go home, and she was actually scared that would never happen. What's worse, her last words were "I hate you" to her friends, who she may never see again.  
  
"Where am I?" she moaned. "How can I get home?"  
  
"You can't," a cold voice said.  
  
It was a voice Kel knew all too well.  
  
"What-What do you mean, I can't?" she asked stiffly.  
  
"This is the Black God's Realms," the voice said coolly. "My, Mindelan, I never would have thought you would die so soon."  
  
"I'm not dead," Kel snapped quickly. "I'm just . . . a little lost."  
  
"A little lost?" Joren of Stone Mountain smirked. "You always had a way with words, Lump."  
  
"Back to that, Joren?" Kel said warily. "I would have thought being dead changed people."  
  
"Obviously, you thought wrong," he said. "To me, being dead in this Realm and living in the next isn't really that much different."  
  
"Whatever you say, Joren," she said. "Just tell me how to get out of here."  
  
Joren cracked up. "Get out of here? Mindelan, you're dead! You're stuck here for all eternity!"  
  
~*~*~*~Meanwhile, in the Realm of the Living~*~*~*~  
  
"Kel?"  
  
There was no answer. A bit louder, "Kel?"  
  
"Shove it, already, Kennan, she's gone."  
  
Cleon glared fiercely at Garvey of Runnerspring.  
  
"Numair, what did you do?" Daine said shrilly.  
  
"I, uh, I think I messed up," Numair said, his face stark white.  
  
"Obviously!" Alanna shrieked. "Oh, Goddess, this is just like Thom. Only reversed. Poor Keladry, she's going to be so scared . . . Where the hell is she anyway, Salmalin?"  
  
"I believe, instead of bringing back someone from the Black God's Realms, I kind of, well, sent someone there."  
  
"You fool," Jonathan said in quiet awe. "We warned you, did we not, but noooo you just had to be the best."  
  
"I can fix it," Numair said defensively.  
  
"You better hope you can," Alanna hissed, her face as red as her coppery curls. "Or I will kill you! Do you hear me, Salmalin?! KILL YOU!"  
  
"Jeez, lady, chill out."  
  
~*~*~*~In the Black God's Realms~*~*~*~  
  
"What the fuck do you mean I'm stuck here for eternity?"  
  
"Mithros, do you need to get your hearing checked. What I mean is, you're dead. Okay? You're dead. Being dead means you're sent to the Black God's Realms. These are the Black God's Realms."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Did I die or not?"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
"You don't need to yell."  
  
"Damn it, I'M NOT YELLING!"  
  
She had never been one to curse, but recently, living in a city with practically nothing but boys (and another lady knight that spoke practically nothing BUT foul language) had taken its toll on her.  
  
"Whatever you say, Mindelan."  
  
"Joren, just tell me how to get out of here."  
  
"For the last time, Mindelan, you *can't*"  
  
"Why not?" she whined childishly.  
  
"Because . . . I don't know! You just can't!"  
  
"Have you ever tried?" Kel asked sweetly.  
  
Joren paused. "Well . . . no, but that doesn't mean you can!"  
  
"Doesn't mean you can't, either."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Just shut up, Joren, and-"  
  
-Keladry?-  
  
Kel jumped at the sound of the eerie, unnatural voice and looked around. "Who said that?"  
  
-Behind you-  
  
She wheeled around. A circular window was suspended in midair. Alanna's face peered out of it. Vaguely she was aware of Joren moving up beside her.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
-It's a long process that I won't explain right now. Are you all right?-  
  
"Yes but . . . what happened?"  
  
Alanna snorted. -Numair added too much such and such chemical to another and sent you to the Black God's Realm-  
  
"Can I get back?" Kel cried, on the verge of hysteria.  
  
-We think we have a way. Gods, is that Joren of Stone Mountain?-  
  
"It is," Joren replied smoothly.  
  
-Perfect. Do you know a place called the Transition Point?-  
  
"I've never seen it, or heard much about it, but I know where it is."  
  
Alanna's non-voice was soft. -Not many do. It's the only place in the Black God's Realm where you can come back to the living. It's like a portal, and it lets out in the Royal Gardens. It hasn't been activated in thousands of years, so very few know about it. Strange you would know of it, when you've only been there a few years-  
  
Joren shrugged nonchalantly. "One of the dead that had been here forever told me about it."  
  
-Is he or she still there?-  
  
"No," he said quietly. "The Black God picks particularly bad people and gives them to Chaos to become her minions. The guy who had known about the Transition thingy was picked." He decided not to mention the fact that he suspected he himself would be chosen soon.  
  
-How horrible. Since you're the only one right now who knows about the Transition Point and its whereabouts, could you, possibly, take Kel there?-  
  
"NO!" they both shouted at once.  
  
"I will *not* go *anywhere* with that prig!" Kel squealed.  
  
"And *I* won't go anywhere with a slut!" Joren snapped.  
  
-Kel, if you don't get to the Transition Point within a week, you'll disappear!-  
  
Stunned, Kel stared up at Alanna's solemn, sad face. "What?"  
  
-Whatever makes up a living person doesn't mix well with whatever makes up the Black God's Realms. Eventually, the Black God's Realms stuff will sort of eat at what makes up the living person, until the molecule things will start to disappear and everything else too-  
  
"Oh," Kel whispered.  
  
"Poor Kel," Joren said sadly. "Oh well," he added brightly.  
  
"Joren," Kel screeched. "You have to take me to the Point!"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
No reason why could be found. Joren smirked sweetly. Then something clicked.  
  
"Could a dead person be brought back to life?" she asked suddenly.  
  
-I think so. If Roger was brought back, then anyone else should be able to. Wait. Yeah, Numair just said you can, but only if the dead person has a hold on something alive. It's weird that a dead person can survive in the living world, but a living can't survive in the Realm of the Dead-  
  
"Alrighty, then. Joren, I'll make you a deal. Take me to the Point, and I'll let you come with me back to the Living Realms."  
  
Joren pretended to ponder this, even though he knew the answer. His time to be a slave to that freaky Chaos woman Uusoae was drawing closer.  
  
"Well," he drawled. "I suppose being with you won't be but *so* bad. Okay, then. I agree."  
  
Shooting a glare at him, she looked back at Alanna. "And we only have a week?" she asked.  
  
-At the most-  
  
"Okay. How is the Point activated, anyway?"  
  
-Hold on, I'll ask Numair-  
  
Her face disappeared. As soon as it did, Neal's face appeared.  
  
-KEL! ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT-  
  
-Sorry-  
  
Numair knocked Neal away.  
  
-Let's see here . . . The Point is activated by a very ancient spell that hasn't been used in about seven thousand years. I won't go into a detailed discussion about it, but I will say some woman named Liaden invented it to rescue her love. Touching tale, is it not?-  
  
Joren yawned. Numair's face flickered as the window shrunk a little.  
  
-I need to go. The spell is wearing out. We'll contact you in five days to see where you are-  
  
"Okay. Wait, Numair!"  
  
Only Numair's eyes could be seen. -What?-  
  
"Tell my friends I don't hate them," she yelled, but the portal closed. She slumped.  
  
"C'mon, *Lump*," Joren sneered. "We should get going now."  
  
Silently Kel nodded. She hoped they would make it to the Transition Point before she disappeared.  
  
Joren hoped they would get to the Transition Point before he fell into the hands of Chaos.  
  
Neither one of them realized it right then, but their fates had been sealed in each other's hands.  
  
~*~  
  
Woohoo! I am finished with Chapter Three! I still hurt from the fiancée thing and the book rejection, but thanks to some reviewers and my brother Chris (who had introduced me to one of his hot college friends named Julian) I'm better! And I'm writing another book, one that I think is actually pretty good! Anyway, thank you reviewers who have read my fanfic. I promise I will have the next chapter up shortly. Oh, and I've started a new fanfic called Fearless. You should read it! 


	4. The Quest BeginsWith A Few Exchanged Ins...

OMG I want to thank all my reviewers, but especially youdontneedtoknow for explaining to me that saving on the Web page thing so I can have italics and everything! Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! Oh, and for those wondering what the hell the first chapter had to do with anything, it didn't really, I just felt like writing it!

Chapter Four: The Quest Begins…With A Few Exchanged Insults and Glares

Furious, Kel paced, shooting violent glares at the blond lounging on the ground. 

"Why are you being so difficult," she finally burst out.

In mild surprise, he looked up. "Pardon?" he asked sweetly.

"Why are _being_ like this? Don't you _realize_ that I will _disappear_ if you don't _do_ anything?"

"Why, yes, actually. I do."

"Then why are we just sitting around?"

"Because I'm tired."

"You're _dead_!!!!!! You can't _GET_ tired!"

Joren remained silent. Those the Black God picked to be Uusoae's minions had one warning to tell them that she was going to be their new mistress, and that was that they would gradually become more human by the day. His warning had started about a week ago; it wouldn't be long before the Black God started to search for him. He took some comfort in the fact that the God still had to look for him, and not just appear wherever he was. That would definitely give him some time to get to the Transition Point. 

In the meantime, however, Joren had to pretend that nothing was wrong. He had to make sure that Kel at least _thought_ he was in charge. But, in truth, he depended on her just as much as she depended on him.

"Well then, I want to sit down."

Kel slipped on her Lump Face and sat down across from him. With unreadable green-hazel eyes she stared at him. A heavy breeze ruffled her wisps of mouse brown hair. He could not believe how much she had grown since he last saw her a couple years ago…when he was alive. Though she would never be beautiful, she was pretty, as she grew more feminine than boyish over the years.

That blank stare was beginning to unnerve him. Uncomfortably, Joren shifted his position. He did it again. She continued to stare at him. Again. Stare.

Again.

Stare.

Again.

Stare.

"Okay," he finally shouted, jumping to his feet and marching off. "Let's go."

He did not miss the smug, triumphant smile that flitted across her face and felt very cross that a Lump had bested him. It was a horrible feeling, and so he decided to do everything he could to make up for it.

"Hey, Mindelan?"

"What."

"Did you know I slept with your sister?"

There was a pause, and Joren was glad that Mindelan could not see his face, but he wished dearly he could see hers. Sleeping with her sister had never even occurred to him, of course, he had better things to do than sleep with relatives of this slut, but he wanted to see what she would do. Then, to his shock, she said,

"I know."

"You…you _what_?" he blustered.

"I said, I know."

"But…But I…"

"Yes?"

"I never slept with—"

"I know."

That is when Joren realized that, once again, he lost. Puzzled, he halted and turned to look back at her. She was brilliant, but she had never been one to make a fool of someone at their own game. It had been but one, two maybe three years since he had died, and left her, but during that brief period of time something had changed her. Maybe it was the dark gloom called life, or the black tainting color that marked that gloom called death. An unexpected flash of pity burned somewhere inside him. Swiftly he pushed it away. He had spent six or so years hating the Lump; now was no time to start feeling differently. But still…it was a little disturbing to see the calm, innocent girl possessing a sorrowful understanding of life and what Fate does to its sweet opportunities.

"You little—"

"Joren, shut up."

"Why?"

"Because you need to."

"Why?"

"JOREN!"

~*~

"I don't get it."

"Honestly, Kennan, doesn't anything get through that thick skull of yours?"

"I have a skull? And all this time I though it was a rock."

Alanna sighed and dismissed the redhead as a blockhead. "How's it going, Numair?" she called.

Numair looked up. Though his eyes were tired and baggy, they were filled with a new excited light that only appeared when he was dealing with a new magic or undiscovered experiment.

"It's coming along wonderfully," he said eagerly, looking back down at the large, incredibly thick, dusty book in his lap. "All the information needed is right here. I'm astonished to have found it in the open."

"It wasn't in the open," Daine said.

"Well, in the open to a black-robed mage," Numair admitted hastily. "Any black robe could have found it with their magic."

"Spare me the arrogance," Alanna said, rolling her violet eyes.

"You mean to tell me," Neal said slowly, "that in exchange for taking Kel to that Pointy thingy so she can return here, Joren is to come back with her?"

"My former squire figures out things so quickly it scares me," she said dryly. "That's correct."

"So Kel's entire future rests with Joren?" Cleon gasped.

"She's doomed," Owen said gloomily.

However, Alanna smiled mysteriously. "Ah, but Joren depends on Kel as much as she depends on him."

"What do you mean?" Daine said curiously. 

"It seems the Black God chooses very bad people to become minions to Chaos," the redheaded woman said. "Joren is definitely one of them, and he knows it, because when he was talking about someone who had been given to…what's her name, Daine? Usona? Usoana?

"Uusoae," the brunette said quietly.

"Right, Uusoae. Anyway, when he was talking about that, he had this weird gleam in his eye and his tone was all…I don't know, different. If he can come back again, alive, he won't be picked. Simple as that."

"The thought of that endless torture almost makes me wish Kel would disappear," Neal said dreamily. Owen tackled him off the bench they were sitting on.

"Boys," Buriram Tourakom said sadly, shaking her head. Queen Thayet nodded. 

"Do you think you'll be able to do it all within a week," King Jonathan asked anxiously.

"Probably," Numair said absently, his nose already buried back in the book.

"I admit," Wyldon of Cavall said suddenly, "I didn't like the chit much. I do now, though truth be told she can be so mulish I just want to hit her with a coconut. But even when I didn't like her, I knew she would be an extraordinary knight. It would be most pitiable if she disappeared without really showing the realm what she can do."

"Wow," Seaver murmured. "The Stump actually said something nice about Kel."

"I heard that, Tasride."

~*~

Shivering, Kel hugged herself and rubbed her arms to stimulate warmth. It was cold in the Black God's Realms. She was envious of Joren who, dead, could not feel anything. But then…why was he shivering?

"Joren?"

"What is it, Lump?"

"Why are you shivering?"

"I'm not," Joren said shortly.

"Yes, you are," Kel insisted. "You're cold." 

"I'm not cold, because I'm dead. The dead feel nothing."

"If you're dead, and the dead feel nothing, then why are you cold?"

"I'm not cold."

"You are too."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not. When will you give up?"

"Are too. Never."

"Am not. How long can you d this?"

"Are too. As long as needed. Remember, I'm friends with Neal."      

"Am not. Good point."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Oh, shut up."

Kel smiled. Joren noticed it and stuck his tongue out at her. She grinned wider. 

After a while, her legs began to tire. 

"Joren?" she asked timidly.

"What," he snapped.

"Can we rest?"

Joren sighed and glanced behind him. She _was_ a little pale…and, truthfully, he too wanted to take a break…

"Okay, fine. Sit down."

Kel gracefully folded her legs and sat down. Five minutes later, she was curled up, fast asleep. Joren wished he knew what time it was. He shrugged. He would know when Alanna or Numair appeared in five days to check on them. For now…

Beside the lady knight, Joren lay down, his eyelids drooped from something he hadn't needed for a long time, and he fell asleep. 

Some distance away, the Black God watched him. 


	5. The Conflict Of Uusoae And The Black God

:Fumes: I am so mad! I had Chapters 5 and 6 all saved on a CD-RW, all ready to be submitted when POOF they disappear! Can you believe that? :Smoke pours out of ears and nostrils: After all that hard work! :Rants and raves incoherently while pacing: Of all the empty-brained, no-good, things to happen :Wears hole in floor: You know something? I betcha anything that Rebecca, my stepsister, went on my CD and deleted it! Because I can't find another document that I had written all my thoughts and ideas and summaries for new fan fiction stories on. Nor can I find Chapter 3 on Fearless. :Can barely see top of head she's so deep in the hole she wore in the ground: Normally I'm a very updating person. I update a lot, because I like writing. But now—:is no longer heard or seen: 

Disclaimer: I own Tamora Pierce characters. Every single one of them. MUAHAHAHA! Okay, I don't. So sue me. WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY!

Chapter Five: The Conflict Of Uusoae And The Black God

Empty-eyed men and women, dressed in the same uniform of black breeches and sleeveless shirts, stood stiff in front of a women sitting upon her throne, awaiting orders. 

The woman, Uusoae Goddess of Chaos, was half in darkness, her inky black hair flowing over her shoulders and blending with the surrounding shadows. Large dark liquid eyes surveyed each of her minions shrewdly, appraising their strengths and weaknesses. 

Beside her was the Black God, barely detectable within the same shadows that hid Chaos's hair. His black cloak draped itself around his thin shoulders, blocking his face from interested eyes.

"Uusoae, I beg of you to reconsider," the Black God said in his whispery, soft, icy voice. "The boy is young, and he is promised to live again. Who are you to take a promise like that away from a soul so tender?"

"And who are _you_ to lecture me on life and tender souls, O God of Death?" Uusoae sneered, her lovely face twisting with wrath. "I want that boy as my minion."

"Why, Uusoae? Why are you going to snatch away his one hope?"

"Why do you suddenly care about him? You were, in fact, the one who suggested that I take him."

"I did not know the girl was to come here," the Black God said softly. (A/N: Anybody know his real name? I'm getting tired of calling him just Black God)

"What does the girl have to do with anything?" Chaos said harshly. The whole time, her faithful minions had not flinched or moved at all. 

"She has the most promising destiny of all the knights," he replied. "As much so as the Mother's Chosen, or the Green Lady's beautiful young daughter, and their children. If she were to die, what would become of Tortall?"

"I'm afraid I still don't understand," Uusoae said sweetly.

The Black God sighed, impatient. "Fate has chosen the path that the girl is to go down on. If the girl misses that path, Tortall will be conquered and destroyed. The boy is the only person left in my realms who knows where and what the Transition Point is there for. If he is captured, then she disappears, and so does Tortall."

"I still don't see what the problem is," the goddess said, fluttering her sooty lashes at him. "Tortall is just a country filled with pathetically worthless mortal beings. Why should we be bothered with the affairs of them?"

"Because the girl—"

"Yes, yes, the girl has a wonderful destiny. But why should you—or any other immortal—care? I would think you'd be happy. If Tortall is destroyed, your realms would be filled to the edges with the dead."

"Do you want the real reason, Chaos? Like the Great Mother watched over that Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, I have watched over Keladry of Mindelan—the Protector of the Small. The only difference is, the Mother has talked to the Lioness, let her know whom she is. I only make sure the Protector of the Small does not die, and that's all."

Uusoae blinked. "You mean you have chosen someone? You have not done that since Liaden—"

"Do not speak to me of Lady Liaden," the Black God said harshly. 

With cold eyes she stared at him. "You should learn to let go, dearest," she said icily, observing his gaze as it roamed to one of the empty-eyed women. 

"Please, Uusoae, I beg of you, reconsider," he pleaded. 

"Forget it," Uusoae snarled. "I want Joren of Stone Mountain—and I shall get him." Her gaze roamed to a woman in the back line. "In fact, I'll make her go."

If the Black God's face could be seen, she was sure it would have been pale.

"Please, Uusoae, don't make her go—"

"Minion Liaden, I want you to capture Joren of Stone Mountain and bring him to me.

Minion Liaden bowed and said dully, "As you wish, Master."

~*~*~

**I was just wondering. Do ya'll think I should do a story about how the Transition Point was made? It probably won't be very long, but it'll clear some of this stuff up. Answer me in your review!**


	6. Author's Note: A Must Read!

Yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while, and I'm so very sorry. But my grandfather died, and my mom and me have been in Ohio visiting him. And when I came back, I realized that I had forgotten the fucking password for my email, so I have to wait 24 hours to see all your wonderful reviews and emails that I want to receive. I forgot the secret answer to the secret question thingy, so I can't get a new password. And when I thought of another answer for the question it told me that my account has been temporarily disabled.  
  
I feel kinda bad too. Whenever I saw a new chapter to a favorite story, I got real excited, and when it turned out to be an Author's Note I got so, so, so, SO mad. Heh. So from now on, if you want to email me, send it through my cousin Mandy's (a.k.a. Knyghtmare) email. Again, I'm really sorry about this. I'm only glad that that email was not the email I used most.  
  
Lots o' love, Miri 


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